3 Years On …

 

3 years ago today I was admitted to the Day Unit of our local hospital. I was booked in to have an operation called an ERPC, or to give it it’s full name “Evacuation of Retained Products of Conception”. Sounds pleasant doesn’t it.

I had found out 3weeks earlier that we had lost our baby. It had stopped growing at just 5weeks gestation.

I had a scan at 7wks after feeling some stabbing pains in my belly. I didn’t think much of it as I had similar with K, but decided to go to the local Early Pregnancy Unit anyway. They scanned me and found a 5wk gestation sac. I was told my dates could be out and to return in 2 weeks time for a re-scan. Those 2 weeks were the longest weeks of my life. The scan (at which I should have been 9wks pregnant) still showed a 5wk gestational sac, along with a slight bleed next to it. This confirmed a miscarriage and I was told it had started to come away. My heart broke. I had never experienced a miscarriage before and it tore at my heart! I was given a date to return in 2wks for yet another scan, but was told everything should come away on its own before then. But it didn’t. The follow on scan revealed that everything was coming away, so I decided to leave it. I didn’t like the idea of having an operation. I’d never had a General Anaesthetic before and I REALLY didn’t want it to be for an operation to take my baby away.

I managed to hold out for another week, then decided I couldn’t take the pain anymore. The waiting and the constant trips to the toilet to check if anything was happening was soul destroying. I bit the bullet and decided to do the one thing I didn’t want to. I called the EPU and made an appointment for the ERPC. I was given an appointment for just 2 days time.

Having an ERPC is not something I want to ever experience again. P wasn’t allowed in to the unit with me so I had to wait on my own. Luckily I was 2nd on the list. I remember being wheeled to theatre and crying as they put me to sleep. I didn’t want them to take my baby and wanted it to all be a horrid mistake. But it wasn’t.

I woke up in recovery and within a few hours I was discharged home with painkillers.

Part of me died the day they took my baby. She will always be a part of me, and I will never forget her.

Sweet Dreams my Sweet Angel Keoni ^0^

Taken from Mummy 01st April 2009 – Due 10th October 2009 xx

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1 Comment

  1. Gem
    April 1, 2012 / 7:22 pm

    Gone quite blurry eyed reading this and can’t type much other than I know, I so know, and I’m sorry, hugs x