Disciplining Children

Discipline is always a tricky subject and its something I am currently struggling big time with.

The older 2 seem to laugh in the face of any discipline dished out to them and I am at the end of my tether and unsure where I go next (always boarding school I guess!)

I feel like we are not respected as parents and that we can tell them until we are blue in the face of what we expect of them, and they’ll just do whatever suits them anyway.

J is the ringleader. When he is not on his medication he is uncontrollable. This is when I dislike him most. He climbs worktops, pulls everything out, runs around screeching, punching out, kicking….you get the picture.

When he was younger we tried all sorts of different techniques for his behaviour and even then none worked! Naughty step, sending to room, taking toys away, putting him the hallway & closing the door. He just laughed, or kicked off even more & would sit there for hours. Then just when you think you’d got through to him, he’d forgotten the discipline and does exactly the same again.

K is copying her brother. She will growl at you if she doesn’t get her own way. She has perfected the art of pretending crying and like her brother, she has started to kick and punch (mainly at her brother though). I have removed bags of her toys. They are sitting in the garage. She doesn’t care and will happily sit in her room. Where she will take a pen that she’s hidden and draw over anything see can! Walls, doors, bedding, cushions, they all have own marks on them.

I just don’t know what I can do anymore! I feel like I have used every technique going and nothing is working. How do I get them to understand that their behaviour is unacceptable? How can I regain control before they get worse (if that’s possible).

Maybe I’m being too harsh and they’re “just being kids” but I can’t see that! I was brought up that you always ask for food and I wouldn’t dare climb worktops and draw over things I shouldn’t. Of course, like all kids, I gave a bit of a backchat. This ended with me being sent to my room with a belt/slipper/hand across of the backs of my legs on the way up.

You’re not allowed to smack anymore, not that it does much good anyway apart from a 10 second cry and then they’ve forgotten about it and why it was received anyway.

Do you have any tried and tested techniques that have worked for you? I’m so desperate for help!

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3 Comments

  1. April 5, 2013 / 9:54 am

    I just want to hug you! It is so hard, especially when nothing seems to work. I recently have had similar issues with my 11 year old. Consistency with her seems to be the key. Black and white. We wrote a rule book together (her choice) with consequences (and I have rules too) and it has worked well. She knows where she stands, it’s the same result every time she loses her way. Am not sure if this will work for you as each child is different, but I hope it gets better for you soon xx

    • Confessions of a SAHM
      April 5, 2013 / 11:13 am

      Thank you for your comment. I’ve not come across your idea before so I might give it a go. I’m hoping its just their ages, but it’s really tough at the moment.

  2. April 7, 2013 / 11:50 pm

    When I was a child, I longed to hear that I was loved, that my opinions were valued, and that I had done something (anything) right. This is so hard for a parent to do when she is feeling as though she don’t even like her child at the moment, but I know it would’ve worked wonders for me. In fact, I’ve written a children’s book on this subject. Actually, it’s written for 9-12 year old girls, but I think it illustrates my point to parents as well.