To my Angel, Luka

 

To my precious Angel,

It has been 2 years today since you left us and I remember it like it was yesterday. We had lost Keoni exactly 5 months 1 day earlier and I couldn’t believe this was happening again! You weren’t meant to be taken from us. I didn’t want to let you go, but I knew it was going to happen.

When I found out I was pregnant again, we were thrilled, and nervous. I asked for an early scan to check on you, but was refused by both my GP and the Midwife at our 8 week “Booking In” appointment. “There’s no reason for it to happen again” the Midwife told me. How wrong was she??

It was August Bank holiday, and I was 11+6weeks pregnant when I started spotting. It was just the once, and I hoped it was nothing. I didn’t notice anything again until 6pm on the Sunday when I had a heavy bleed. That soon stopped and I didn’t have anything else until the following evening.

I decided to call NHS Direct. I didn’t know what to do. When we lost Keoni, I had no bleeding at all. I spoke to a nurse who said it sounded like a threatened miscarriage. She advised she would get the Out of Hours Doctor to call.

He did! What an unsympathetic person he was. When I explained what was happening, his response was “Oh yes, it’s a threatened miscarriage. Put your feet up and take a pregnancy test in the morning. If it’s positive, you’re still pregnant.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I burst in to tears.

The next day was my 12 week scan. It wasn’t until lunch time, so I called up the Early Pregnancy Unit and explained. They told me to attend my scheduled appointment.

I went along with Daddy and told the sonographer. They scanned me and confirmed that we had lost you, possibly 6 weeks earlier. I was devastated. What did we do to deserve having 2 babies taken from us.

I was sent home with an appointment to attend the EPU in 2 days time for another scan.

On 2nd September 2009, after a 3 hour “labour” Mummy had you at home.

I think about you all the time, wondering what you’d be like now. I’ll never forget you.

All my love, Mummy xxx

*In Memory of our Angel, Luka – Left Mummy 02/09/2009 Due 12/03/2010*

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3 Comments

  1. Jojo
    September 3, 2011 / 9:37 am

    Oh Rach, what a devastation, the majority of the NHS has no sympathy or understanding. You should have been treated with more compassion, respect and above all understanding of your fears based on your previous tragic loss at what ever gestation your pregnancy was at be it 3 weeks, 8 weeks or 3 months.
    It doesn't matter how common place miscarriage is in early pregnancy, for each and every one of us it is a tragedy that deserves respect, compassion and understanding.
    I am a firm believer that mother nature plays a part and minimises our heartbreak by not letting the pregnancy continue any longer if there is a reason the baby would not live outside of the womb. It isn't much consulation but it helped me. If I wasnt meant to be able to cope and find a way of carrying on then it simply wouldn't be happening to me.
    I no longer remember the date or year of my loss, the children I have now keep me more than busy, but the fact I suffered a loss stays with me and always will.
    Thinking of you xxxx

  2. The Princess Poet
    September 4, 2011 / 7:24 pm

    Oh no Rachel, Thats awful. I'm sorry you had to go through thaT TWICE. I can't believe how you were treated.

  3. September 4, 2011 / 9:29 pm

    So sad and so touching. Thank you for sharing your story.