It’s been a while since I have blogged about J and seeing has we had a hospital check up this morning, I thought I would log it. The check up was purely to check on his weight. Since he was put on to his medication in July 2011, he has lost his appetite and we struggled big time to get him to eat. We found that his weight was dropping, but he was still growing taller.
Just after Christmas his Consultant decided to change the make of his medication and to lower the dosage. This would mean that, as the medication would release differently and be lower dose, his appetite should return and his weight increase. He was last seen in February, and since then he has grown 2cms taller and has gained just under 1kg in weight, which is a FANTASTIC improvement.
Unfortunately, the downside to the lower dosage of his medication, is that his behaviour has been out of control. His Consultant has now agreed to up his dosage by an extra 10mg so we are hoping that little bit extra will make all the difference.
We are really struggling with him as a family. He gets frustrated with himself and starts kicking off and throwing mega temper tantrums. He will hit out at either K or myself. K doesn’t understand why he is like he is, so in turn she is retaliating to his violence, which leaves me absolutely mentally and physically exhausted from constantly shouting and breaking up fights all the time.
I just feel like a really crap parent and a crap mother and if I am honest, I wonder what the hell did I do that was so bad to be given a child like this. I know, I sound horrible, but it is so frustrating and draining raising a child with difficulties. We all just want our children to be perfect, and to behave and have manners and be these little darlings that everyone else seems to have. Instead my children seem, to me, to be like little feral animals that are disruptive and uncontrollable. I am fed up of the stares from people and the whispering to each other about them.
I know that I do not have the most patience in the world (probably an understatement there), but we just cannot go on like this anymore. We do not get outside help from people and relatives. We see the Consultant every few months and that is it. I was supposed to be put on a parenting course by the hospital, but that never happened. Unless I do things for myself, they don’t materialise.
Today, whilst at the hospital, I was given a book to read. It was called “All Dogs have ADHD” by Kathy Hoopmann. It was really interesting to read and had fab pictures of dogs in, but most importantly it explained about ADHD and how it felt to have it. So, as soon as I got home, I logged on to the internet and brought the book, along with several others.
I want to learn to parent him better. I want him to understand why he is different from others, and I want his sisters to learn why he is like he is. Hopefully the books, combined with his extra bit of medication will help us all learn about J and why he does the things he does.
If anyone has any advise, or can point me towards any courses or literature that might help us, please do!!!